Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I'm pretty sure I missed my calling in life. As much as I want to be the good mommy and all, and I try, I really do, sometimes I just fail. Miserably.

Last night was one of those nights.

It was last night that I realized I would have fared much better in life and maybe even have made millions by now if only I had joined the WWF! And I'm not talking about the World Wildlife Fund. I'm talking the wrestling association, here.

You see, we have been having a rough time with bed time. Again. You might recall this same trial about one year ago when we moved the kiddos into one room. That was a tough transition. I get it. And we got over it. Phew.

But, now, Meg is no longer in her crib, much to my chagrin. I'd keep her there until Kindergarten if it were up to me. But, since she started bailing over board, it wasn't really up to me. So, we put her in a big girl bed.

Two words to describe how it is going:

It's NOT.
(Does a contraction still count as one word?)

Three words.


Six Words:

Sirri and Connor are following suite.

This whole last week has been pretty rotten. I've pulled out all my best techniques and nothing is working.

Last night was especially bad. The kids were teasing and taunting me (yes, I was being taunted by a four and five year old.) They would come running out of their room, see me, go giggling back to bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I tried to ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

That was a failure. Failure. Failure.

And before I knew it my inner WWF self came raging out.

I went screeching into their room, grabbed Connor by his pajamas and literally THREW him into his bed. Please take note, Connor sleeps on the TOP bunk. And I threw him clear over the top rail. My own child. I threw him. THREW HIM. THREW HIM!

I'm pretty sure I could compete with the big girls in the ring!

And then, to top it off as my children all stared at me in unbelief and probably frozen in fear (maybe they were just amazed at my strength! ha.) I had a few choice words to say. Including, but not limited to, "You are going to be so sad in the morning..." "Don't you dare get out of this bed one more time...." "If you think I'm upset right now..."

They eventually did go to bed. I did a little (okay a lot of) repenting. And I have come up with a plan that we are going to try. I'll let you know how it goes.

In the mean time, I've been coming up with a few ideas for my wrestling name....

Red Hot.

Fire Cracker.

Hot Tamale.

Just to name a few.

Oh, yeah? You wanna piece of this?!?!?!?!


♥Shally said...

Yes. My kids give me a run for my money EVERY NIGHT.

I swear they come out 50 times.

"I just wan a wittow bit of water."

"Will you lay by us?"

"Braylen isn't closing her eyes!"

I feel your pain!!

Ilene said...

I have had to throw my two year old onto the top bunk a time or two myself.

My husband is baffled why the one male in the house who would actually like me to throw him into bed is left alone.

I guess I am too tired from throwing the other boys into bed.

diane said...

I wouldn't mess with you Red Hot Mama.

Good luck. My kid is begging to go to bed. She also likes naps. They should have early morning seminary for little kids.

meyersbd said...

Oh how I would have loved to be a fly on your kids wall last night!! HAHAHA!!Stick in there!!

Jeb and Becca said...

You are hilarious! So much fun! I too have struggled with this battle a few times. :) I know you didn't ask for advice but...if your other technique doesn't work go to Supernanny's website (the one from the show Supernanny) and she has a great method that worked for me. I'm sharing because I wish I would have figured it out earlier (before I beat the kids..ha ha!)
Take care and good luck!

Lauren in GA said...

You are so hilarious! I laughed out loud at this. I had a horrible night last night, too. My rage came out and when it rears it's ugly head it ain't pretty.

I vote for Red Hot Mama, like Diane said.

Annemarie said...

I know this scenario well, complete with the lauching of the child on to the bed (not a top bunk, though...I am impressed)

I love Hot Tamale!

cath said...

as long as he didn't get knocked unconscious, you are not a bad mother. even then, you still only drop to mediocre. *hugs*

the wrath of khandrea said...

wow, you suck.

kidding. i actually think it's hilarious, mostly because it's not currently happening to me. other people's tragedy is often my comic relief. thanks for that.

Kim said...

that's not really what you look like when you're mad...trust me I know!!!! :)

hope the necklaces work.

little stinkers!!! but cute, super cute little stinkers!!!

Pam said...

Or yea, you are one mean mommy! If it persists just send them to Grandma's and they can sneak down the stairs and sit on my lap and they can eat candy and drink Grandma juice!!!!

Hang in there you Hot Tamale!!!!

Phillip and Kirsten said...

my vote is for Hot Tamale.

and I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one who has snapped.

sometimes, I wonder why oh why the Lord would trust me with these three...?

Rochelleht said...

I had a bad morning yesterday with Grace and then I got an email from Love and Logic on how to keep your cool with your kids. It was perfect timing. I ordered it and downloaded it right then and there. We had a MUCH better afternoon. I'll forward you the email.

Hazen5 said...

I like Hot Tamale! LOVE this post, because I so get it.

queenieweenie said...

What is up with kids and bedtime?

I swear I LOVE it when my hubby isn't out of town and he can do the yelling.

May I say--sometimes kids DESERVE to be thrown. Repent if you must.

Laurel said...

Sometimes WWF is called for. What can I say? I've been known to get in the ring when called upon myself. Why is bedtime so darn difficult, anyway? Don't they know it's been a long day?

Speaking of long...look at that hair of yours!!!

Jenibelle said...

Rachel, I've been to your house, your kids are perfect. Almost.

Lisa Marie...this too shall pass. At least you didn't throw a toy, such as a heavy toy video recorder and the child you might have been furious with popped up from behind the toy box just as the three pound toy came sailing in that direction and might just have hit the bratty child in the eye maybe causing a major black eye and because of which the school called and might have made you feel like a creep when the rotten child might have TOLD them that his mother was practicing her shot put skills with him maybe as a target.

Thank goodness THAT didn't happen.

And at least you didn't go get duct tape and some rope and make sure that Connor stayed in bed. At least THAT didn't happen.

See, you're looking like a better mom all the time!!!

(I have it on good authority that duct tape hurts when it is removed from, say, the mouth area, especially on a smart mouthed kid. Hmm...who knew?)

Laurie said...

I have SO been there too! Lately I've been adding 15 min to bedtime everytime my oldest talks back to me. Today he said, "Then don't bother tucking me in!"

Like that's a privelege. "W" {{whatever}} Geeze these kids.

Dustin and Shelli Chambers said...

I have to say, hearing that story in person was SOO much better than reading it! Remind me to tell you about when Dustin pulled that move on Tahoe (into the truck bed, not a bunk bed...) He only had to do it once. So no worries! :)

Emily said...

Hey - before you retire from the WWF, could you please come to my house and give my kids the smackdown? It would be much appreciated!!

busy bowman said...

I feel for you as all moms do! and being a mom is full of those repenting moments! I wish I had advice but evrything I try only works short term! Sorry! GOOD LUCK!

busy bowman said...
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Angela said...

You're so funny Lisa. I enjoy reading your blog because you help me remember that I'm not alone in my insanity sometimes.