Sunday, August 3, 2008

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

This scripture has been rolling around in my head all day. And for that I am grateful. There are a lot of other things that could be going on up there in that crazy brain of mine, so to be feeling comfort and peace is truly a blessing.

On Thursday I took Sirri to our doctor for a routine well check. I had a few minor issues that I wanted to discuss with him before sending her to school. You know things like she walks a little pigeon toed and she has funky fingers.

I figured when we got to the funky fingers part, Dr. Sena would look at me like the crazy mother that I am, and say, "Well, ya, she does have some interesting fingers. Lucky girl is double jointed. What's next on your list?"

Instead, he proceeds to tell me that spoon shaped fingers like hers can be a sign of Cystic Fibrosis. He then listened to her chest and ordered x-rays of both her feet and her chest.

Typically the night before a scheduled doctor's appointment for my children I pray to Heavenly Father that our doctor will have the gift of discernment and that he will be able to listen to the Spirit in regards to my children's health. So, when Sirri's x-ray pictures came back and Dr. Sena told me, "you know, I just have a gut feeling that something isn't right here." I listened.

He explained that something did not look right with Sirri's heart. It seemed to be enlarged. He told me that she would need to have a Eco-cardiogram in I.F. and then go to Primary Children's Hospital in Utah for further testing.

The office in I.F. would not do the eco on Sirri because they are not a pediatric cardiologist office. They recommended she have a CT scan at our hospital and then go directly to Primary Children's. Within the hour Dr. Sena had scheduled an appt. for a CT scan Friday morning and an appointment with Primary's on Monday morning.

After a traumatic CT scan (we were not warned that Sirri would have to have an IV. She was actually quite brave and I was proud of her.) the results showed that the problem is not in her heart or her lungs but is some sort of mass in her chest.

So instead of seeing the cardiologist in Utah on Monday, we need to see an oncologist. Dr. Sena tried to reach the oncologist all day Friday and will call first thing Monday morning to get Sirri an appointment.

Dr. Sena has been fabulous through all of this. He has personally called me 5 or 6 times throughout this process, even when Friday was his day off. He has given us much hope through each step and turn of the way and has had the best bedside manner of any doctor I have dealt with. Instead of dwelling on all the scary possibilities that we could be dealing with, he has shared optimism and words of comfort. (For example, the mass he says, could very likely be an enlarged thymus gland. Not a problem he says. Easily fixed. I appreciate his, glass is half full outlook!)

So, until Monday, at the earliest, we aren't sure what we are dealing with. We are playing the waiting game. And that is where my crazy brain could start making me, well, even crazier. But instead, through much prayer and through fasting today, I have felt peace. Yes, I am anxious and worried, as any mother would be, but I am functioning and calm. I have felt my Heavenly Father's love and I know that He knows our family. I know that He has a plan and that through trust and faith and more prayer, we can be willing to follow that plan.

I am hoping that I am feeling peace, because Sirri is going to be well. I am praying that the doctors will discover that this is "nothing" and we can move on with our lives. But, if not. If this is the calm before the storm, I want to be able to look back and read this, and remember the way I felt today. I want to be able to remember that fasting and prayer work. I want to remember that I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family. I want to remember that I do not have to feel alone and frightened. I want to remember that I can and that I HAVE felt peace through my Savior. That through Jesus' love, I can let not my heart be troubled or afraid.

"Peace...my peace I give unto you."


Sirri during the CT scan.

How we felt when we found out she had to have an IV.

How we felt when the nurse gave us both ice cream coupons for being so brave!

Update: The nurse just called. Wednesday at 11:00 is the earliest they could get us in. So glad I wrote this last night cause Wednesday seems like a long way away. I might have to read my own words a time or two (or 100) in the next few days for a good reminder.

Update Update: They got us in today at 10:30. Gotta run.

26 comments:

Rick and Annie said...

Wow Lisa. We are very impressed with your insight and perspective at this time. Siri, your family and doctors will each be in our prayers.

We love you guys!!

Rick Sager

Denae (aka D-dawg) said...

First of all, darling pictures of you two. Lisa-Marie that is so, so scary and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this right now!! I am so awed by your perspective and that you could write it all down. Good job. She is the sweetest little thing. I am sure everything will turn out to be fine. It is so great that you have such an awesome Dr. that you love. Please keep us posted!!!

Hannah said...

I hope she is okay!! She is a darling little thing!

CINDY BIGELOW said...

my little squisher...

i have been praying for you all weekend long and i fasted for you today too. and just like your mommy, i have felt peace. i know your heavenly father and jesus love you SO much. and guess what? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO!!!!!! i love the pictures of you and your mommy...you are sooooo lucky to have the mommy that you do! and you look so brave in the first picture...i'm so proud of you!

i love you so much and miss you like crazy (like always.)!

love,
aunt cindy

Eli & Angela said...

You're the best mom ever Lisa Marie. If anyone can get through this, it's you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Peterson Family said...

You are such an example to me of what being a mother is all about. What a brave little girl! I will be thinking of and praying for Sirri and your family.

Dancin Queen said...

Oh, sweetie! I'm sorry! I really hope that everything is okay. What an amazing perspective you have. Thanks for sharing your story of faith with us.

Talia said...

There are no words...

Your in my prayers!

Kim said...

just like on cindy's blog---tears, tears, and more tears! not because i am worried but because I just love you to bits sirri marie!!! miss you like crazy and we are praying for you and your family!!

Colleen said...

wow! i am so sorry that you have to go through this. i wish i was working up there today to give you support in person. so i am sending my love, support, prayers, and possitive and happy thoughts your way by computer. you can get through this. keep being so brave. sirri you have the best mom ever. keep us posted. your in my thoughts and prayers.

Arin Rohrbach said...

Thank you for you entry. I always need reminders to have a little more faith and rely more on my heavenly father. My prayers will be with you.

jessica said...

Wow! What a lot for a mom and a little girl to deal with. Such worry. Your perspective is such a great example. Thank your for your words. Good luck to you and Sirri today.

Lauren in GA said...

Lisa-Marie,
Thank you so, so much for sharing this with all of us.

You are an incredible example of turning to hour Heavenly Father through prayer and fasting. Sometimes, it is tempting to let our thoughts overwhelm us and just be filled with despair.

This post was a great example to me.

Christie said...

I am so sorry! I hate stuff like this - it's so stressful. I hope all goes well at Primary. You're in good hands, there.

Hang in there, friend.

Christie L said...

Ever since I read this blog post, I have had your whole family in my heart and thoughts. I anxiously await any updates at all.

<3

Your cousin

Meliss said...

Lisa~Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You are amazing!! Your family is in my prayers! Hope things look up for you and Sirri!! She is so cute!! Keep me updated!
Good luck!
~Melissa W

Jenibelle said...

My friend, I don't have words. Maybe tomorrow. We will all be praying for you. Love you little peanut Sirri!
(I have some pink boots for you!!!)

Buffington Family said...

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your sweet family. I love your positive perspective but know the waiting game is torturous. I hope by now you at least have answers so you can move forward. Sirri, hang in there! You are a strong, beautiful little girl. Love, Becca

Carin said...

Our family will be praying for your family. Isn't it great that we have a Heavenly Father that knows us and loves us so much! He knows how strong Sirri is and that she has a mother that can handle this with such a positive attitude.
(We love you, Sirri! From Jackson & Bayley)

Jessica said...

Oh Lisa-Marie! How stressful and scary...I'm glad you are trusting in HF and those feelings you are having. They are both very real.

I love Primary's and I love doctors who listen.

We'll be waiting breathlessly for every update...and adding you to our prayers!

gab said...

My heart is pounding in sympathy. Oh Lisa-Marie! How scary and, yet, how brave this post was.

Please know you are in our prayers and please keep us posted.

gab said...
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Luke and Katie said...

Lisa-Marie..it's been a long time (23rd Ward, Bishop Blackham) and I'm not sure if you remember me, but I just want to let you know that Sirri is in our prayers. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but I know that you are strong and the Savior is mindful of you and your beautiful daughter! Good luck! (BTW, Dr. Sena is the best DR. EVER!! I worked with him for about a year before we moved and I have very high respect for him!)

Phillip and Kirsten said...

we'll add our prayers, too! good luck through all the waiting.

Stephanie said...

So sorry your family has to go through this...the unknown is always the worst!!

Your in our prayers also!!

Penny said...

You have all been in our thoughts and prayers, too. If prayer is as powerful as they say, then Sirri has POWER behind her. You are an amazing mother, Lisa, with strength you're not even aware of. Love you all, Aunt Penny and Uncle Tom