John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

This scripture has been rolling around in my head all day. And for that I am grateful. There are a lot of other things that could be going on up there in that crazy brain of mine, so to be feeling comfort and peace is truly a blessing.

On Thursday I took Sirri to our doctor for a routine well check. I had a few minor issues that I wanted to discuss with him before sending her to school. You know things like she walks a little pigeon toed and she has funky fingers.

I figured when we got to the funky fingers part, Dr. Sena would look at me like the crazy mother that I am, and say, "Well, ya, she does have some interesting fingers. Lucky girl is double jointed. What's next on your list?"

Instead, he proceeds to tell me that spoon shaped fingers like hers can be a sign of Cystic Fibrosis. He then listened to her chest and ordered x-rays of both her feet and her chest.

Typically the night before a scheduled doctor's appointment for my children I pray to Heavenly Father that our doctor will have the gift of discernment and that he will be able to listen to the Spirit in regards to my children's health. So, when Sirri's x-ray pictures came back and Dr. Sena told me, "you know, I just have a gut feeling that something isn't right here." I listened.

He explained that something did not look right with Sirri's heart. It seemed to be enlarged. He told me that she would need to have a Eco-cardiogram in I.F. and then go to Primary Children's Hospital in Utah for further testing.

The office in I.F. would not do the eco on Sirri because they are not a pediatric cardiologist office. They recommended she have a CT scan at our hospital and then go directly to Primary Children's. Within the hour Dr. Sena had scheduled an appt. for a CT scan Friday morning and an appointment with Primary's on Monday morning.

After a traumatic CT scan (we were not warned that Sirri would have to have an IV. She was actually quite brave and I was proud of her.) the results showed that the problem is not in her heart or her lungs but is some sort of mass in her chest.

So instead of seeing the cardiologist in Utah on Monday, we need to see an oncologist. Dr. Sena tried to reach the oncologist all day Friday and will call first thing Monday morning to get Sirri an appointment.

Dr. Sena has been fabulous through all of this. He has personally called me 5 or 6 times throughout this process, even when Friday was his day off. He has given us much hope through each step and turn of the way and has had the best bedside manner of any doctor I have dealt with. Instead of dwelling on all the scary possibilities that we could be dealing with, he has shared optimism and words of comfort. (For example, the mass he says, could very likely be an enlarged thymus gland. Not a problem he says. Easily fixed. I appreciate his, glass is half full outlook!)

So, until Monday, at the earliest, we aren't sure what we are dealing with. We are playing the waiting game. And that is where my crazy brain could start making me, well, even crazier. But instead, through much prayer and through fasting today, I have felt peace. Yes, I am anxious and worried, as any mother would be, but I am functioning and calm. I have felt my Heavenly Father's love and I know that He knows our family. I know that He has a plan and that through trust and faith and more prayer, we can be willing to follow that plan.

I am hoping that I am feeling peace, because Sirri is going to be well. I am praying that the doctors will discover that this is "nothing" and we can move on with our lives. But, if not. If this is the calm before the storm, I want to be able to look back and read this, and remember the way I felt today. I want to be able to remember that fasting and prayer work. I want to remember that I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family. I want to remember that I do not have to feel alone and frightened. I want to remember that I can and that I HAVE felt peace through my Savior. That through Jesus' love, I can let not my heart be troubled or afraid.

"Peace...my peace I give unto you."

Sirri during the CT scan.

How we felt when we found out she had to have an IV.

How we felt when the nurse gave us both ice cream coupons for being so brave!

Update: The nurse just called. Wednesday at 11:00 is the earliest they could get us in. So glad I wrote this last night cause Wednesday seems like a long way away. I might have to read my own words a time or two (or 100) in the next few days for a good reminder.

Update Update: They got us in today at 10:30. Gotta run.