Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has Left the Building....

Or in my case....


The "calm, won't shed a tear, I can handle this, no worries, crisis mode mamma," has left the building.


Okay, so it's not that bad, but reality hit a little bit. I've been too busy just doing what I've been needing to do, that reality hadn't really set in. The reality is, that my child had CANCER.

I feel so incredibly blessed that we can say, HAD. My child HAD cancer. But as one of the dads we met here told Cindy, we still have been fighting a crisis and we should let ourselves feel that. It is okay to accept and own the problem. There will always be someone who has problems greater than ours but that doesn't mean that ours are easy and we don't need to pretend that they are. I really appreciated that advice. So, I've let myself feel the pain, and fear, and worry and tiredness but I've also let it go. It feels good.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. Sirri's oxygen levels had been dropping and she was requiring more and more oxyegn to breathe. So, they ordered a chest x-ray. The x-ray revealed that some of the fluid in her chest was not draining but was forming around her lungs causing the difficulty. To eleviate some of the fluid they needed to insert another chest tube. This was so distressing to me because Sirri's first chest tube is what has been causing Sirri the most pain. I just couldn't imagine causing her more pain and setting us back any further. I called Kendon and had a cry my eyes out pity party and felt much better. I told him this feels like the never ending story. Thank goodness we do know that this story will end and it has a happy ending. In a few days (whatever that exactly means, I don't know.) we will be home and life will resume as normal.

The procedure to place the chest tube in went extremely well and the fluid has been draining quite quickly. Sirri's oxygen levels are already up. Right along with her ozygen levels, her GRUMP levels are up as well. Oh well. I can't say that I blame here. But, she is waring me out! She has not had much of an appetite and is still pretty sleepy. We try to get her out of bed a few times a day and she hates this. It really hurts her chest and wears her right out to move so she prefers the comfort of her bed. We've been watching LOTS of movies at all hours of the day. Much of the tiem all Sirri makes it through are the previews before she is out like a light and sawing logs.

Like I mentioned, we don't know when we will be coming home. I'm hoping soon, but won't hold my breathe.

I appreciate all that has been done for my family since I've been away. I miss Kendon and the kiddos and it means so much to me to know that they are being taken care of. While I've been eating cafeteria food for a week straight, ward members are bringing the lucky ducks meals! (Not to mention watching our kids, teaching our Primary lessons, registering Sirri for kindergarten, renewing my over due books, sending e-mails.....)

It has been really difficult for Kendon to be away from Sirri. He feels helpless not knowing what is going on every second and that he can't do anything to help her.

I'll keep everyone posted if there are any changes. Hopefully, that will only mean that Sirri getting better and stronger every day!

Much Love.

Lisa-Marie

10 comments:

Peterson Family said...

Lisa-Marie,
I'm so glad to hear that things are going well (even though I know it's still tough.) We are thinking of and praying for you and your family!

Christie L said...

Thank you for continuing to post (as if you would stop!). I was so very very glad to hear it was all benign and was all removed. I am so sorry to hear that she is in pain and having to have tubes put in. I am so happy that you two can go home (relatively) soon.

It's good that you've been able to feel this, and also to still hold together when need be. You have a very supportive family and system of friends, and that helps, I'm sure.

Hazen5 said...

Lisa-Marie, I am so sorry about Sirri! I just got back into town and I am catching up on blogging and I read this! I wish there was something I could do. My prayers are with your sweet family!

Paige said...

Holy cow another chest tube?? I'm crying for you and her. I hate kid movies. But I'd watch them too if my kid had cancer.

Robin said...

oh man lisa. i'm finally on the internet again and catching up on your situation. just know that i'm thinking about you tons. i wish i was closer so i could actually help!

James & Dawn said...

Still reading your blog and feeling quite ridiculous about my worries lately. Nothing comes close to what you are going through. So I'm putting my worries aside and praying for you! PS I was watching the womens gymnastics last night and remembered how much fun I had going with you in Jr. High, and helping with the score post things! You were a great friend then, and I'm glad we've been able to reconnect!! Much love to you and your family.

Lauren in GA said...

I just know that...I have no idea how hard this must be...I can only imagine. I am glad you got to cry with Kendon over the phone. Tears are great therapy...Our thoughts adn prayers remain with you.

Jenibelle said...

You had a pity party and didn't invite me??? I would have brought the refreshments! I love you and am praying constantly for you, everyone at my office is too!!

Very gentle hugs to my little peanut Sirri!

gab said...

I can't believe this is your reality right now! What a nightmare. Yet, your faith and family sound so strong and amazing!

Please take gentle care of yourself.

andrea said...

oh girl! i just got back on the computer after several weeks off, and i was shocked to read all these posts! i've been sitting here crying, then feeling relieved, then crying again, then feeling relieved...
i am glad things are going well, and i admire your faith. you are an amazing woman, and your children are so blessed to have you for their mother. hang in there girl.