Where Did All My Pants Go?

The other day I had to give a presentation in an education class that I am taking. (I have to earn six credits every five years to keep my teaching credential current.) Someday I would like to teach in this district that is offering the class. So, in an attempt to impress the superintendent and principals taking the class with me, I figured that I would dress up a bit. Opening my closet to scavenge up something other than my usual Old Navy Perfect T and jeans, I was sorely disappointed and I am sure that you will all be shocked and amazed by my next sentence. I DO NOT own a pair of black pants, khaki paints, dress pants, slacks, NOTHING! Jeans it is and only two pairs of those to boot. Yes, it is true. I only own two pairs of pants (not counting my workout or lounge clothes.) One pair of jeans that are my "good jeans" and one other that I rarely wear.

So, why do I tell this story? Well, it illustrates very clearly (much too clearly, since it is a little embarrassing to admit I only own two pants) three points about myself. And since this is my "journal" I'm boring you with the gritty details of my life.

Point One: Simple. That is me. I dress simple, I decorate simple, I live by a routine because it makes things simple, I own two church outfits so Sunday mornings are simple, I own very few shirts, my hair is crazy/messy but very easy, meaning...simple, the only jewelry I wear are earrings , when I scrapbook my pagers are very, you guessed it, simple, I own one set of eyeshadow, I don't create hectic schedules for myself or my children, I own one pair each of black and brown everyday shoes, church shoes, and flip flops and two pairs of tennis shoes because that is simple. I am just plain simple. Most of the time I like my life this way. I feel in control. And I like to feel in control. But then there are the days when I would like to step it up a bit. But sometimes that is hard to do. It is hard to come out of my simple shell and shine a bit. I don't always like being "simple girl." My sisters are great examples to me. They are so cute, stylish, fun. They wear bangly bracelets and red shoes and gold jackets and purple eyeshadow. It is only because of them that I own more than one pair of earrings. (I used to own one pair and never took them out. Even to sleep.) So, what is a simple girl to do?


Point Two: Because I am simple, I have this tendency to want to get rid of stuff. Lots of stuff. I go to the D.I. quite frequently. In fact, I have been there twice in the last week. Truly. I love it. There is something empowering about dejunking and throwing stuff out. It is a strange kind of natural high for me. Crazy, I know. I even have friends that will call me when they are trying to "clean house" because they know that I will be able to convince them to throw away the baby shower cards they received when their babies were born ten years ago. Most people wonder , "but what if you need that someday?". Very rarely do I have garbage can regret. I can only think of one instance. This garbage can victim I actually miss and it can not be replaced. And I know when I tell you what it is, you will all shudder at the horror. No, I did not throw out my wedding album, BUT I did throw away my junior high and high school year books. Bad. I know. We just had my class reunion and it caused me to miss those books. I'm quickly recovering though and probably won't miss them again until the next reunion and then when my kids get big enough to ask about them. Sad really. So, I guess that is where all my pants went. As soon as something doesn't fit. Out the door they go. Really, who needs pants that don't fit anymore lying around? (All the pants in question were actually too big, hence throwing them out. And even my good jeans are getting saggy in the rump area. There is one ray of sunshine in my pantless turmoil!)

The caption on this picture said that this is a donation bag from the 40's. Very cool.

Now, one last thing. I know that you are all going to tell me that this poor Idaho girl needs to go shopping. One little trip to the mall and SIMPLE would be out the door and the pants issue would be solved. That is true. VERY TRUE. But that brings us to the final point: I don't enjoy shopping. This tends to be a problem when point 2 is that I love to throw things out, but point 3 is that I never replace them due to my inability to shop. Definitely a conflict of interest! Actually shopping for myself makes me VERY anxious. It is really hard for me to buy anything for myself. I know, it is pathetic and ridiculous but it is the truth. It's been nerve racking for me, for as long as I can remember so I'm guessing that may never change. Sad.

So, there you go. Simple, shopping hater, garbage can lover, pantless me!

Point number four just came to me. I probably need therapy!

I don't know who this guy is...but I feel his pain.